Happy April Fools!

Last Wednesday, March 26, the upstairs boys’ bathrooms were closed because exterminators came to try and remove the snake population that has recently been attempting to take over the school. Over the past few weeks, the school has had multiple snake sightings! The bathrooms are the main areas students need to be careful of until professionals can exterminate the entirety of the snake population. Senior Sydney Bradham reported that a snake was “literally sitting in the toilet. I was going to use the bathroom, and then it jumped up and almost bit me.” Bradham was severely traumatized from the event, Administration told her the snake was removed and no incident should occur again. However, Bradham opted to take a week off to try and recover. She returned to school after an adamant assurance that there would be no more snake run-ins. That’s when she was met with another snake while sitting in Ms. Szell’s classroom. Since then, Bradham has had a hard time with attendance, coming in late, or not at all as fear consumes her body. 

Bradham is not the only person to have a run-in with these reptiles. These slithery serpents also snuck up and stunned Ms. Malavazos! “She was screaming bloody murder,” Mrs. Creggar reported. I heard the screams and sprinted to the bathroom, where I found her on the floor outside the bathroom screaming and crying like she saw a ghost.” Apparently, in her haste to get away from the snake, she tripped while running out of the bathroom. 

One student, who requested to stay anonymous, got so startled that they peed their pants. This snack issue has gone too far, and the removal needs to be hastened. Despite the exterminators’ attempt last week, the snakes are still lurking around the school! 

Lia Day, Staff Writer

Senior Lia Day is a staff writer for the 2024-2025 Colonel Newsmagazine. She likes to play with her dog and cat, read, play soccer and tennis, and play games.