Happy April Fools!

In the coming 2025-26 school year the Department of Education has opted to do away with all P.E related classes in turn for mandatory musical theater classes. The move comes after heavy debates about whether or not children are ”Proportionately Fit” and what schools can do about it. Many school districts have approved of this plan and its benefits stating, “It is a great way to stay active while continuing to work on academic measures and maintaining access to the arts.” Students will have to take mandatory Cats and RENT courses while being offered the electives of Wicked and Hamilton.

Statistics show that 75% of students who have NOT seen RENT (the musical) are moderately out of shape. One of the biggest buying points for the decision to add mandatory musical theater classes is the physical activity that accompanies the acting and singing portion of the class. “It is a hard and taxing process to understand the choreography and remember lines at 7:40 in the morning,” says soon to be Musical Theater Student of The Year, Ari Armaos. 

While multiple stipulations and rules have not been set, there are rumors that on every PD day, teachers must take a mandatory 30 minute Drama class, equalling three hours by the end of each school year. Some teachers are unfavorable of the rumors but others are raring to go, “I’d be excited because I finally get to use my pro wrestling persona and develop that character fully,” said science teacher/professional wrestler, Mr. “The Wiz” Wisniewski. 

The classes will be taught by existing P.E teachers Ms. Lehet and Mrs. Lyon, as well as a music teacher, and will be half a credit for 2 required years with a third optional year as well as offering AP Musical Theater. It is theorized that the move to have mandatory musical theater classes will improve the plummeting sales of the schools plays and musicals. The school board also believes students’ English capabilities will go up by 15% and that the use of phones will go down 27% due to script reading and method acting. From the words of a classic, “We’re not in Kansas anymore”.

Billy Sharpe, Staff Writer

Senior Billy Sharpe is a staff writer for the 2024-2025 Colonel Newsmagazine. He enjoys writing stories and making music. He also indulges in multiple sports.