You’re Not What You Think You Are

2016 is the year of monumental changes: new SATs, recalled Eggo waffles, and even a new president. If you were born sometime between Nov. 30 and Dec. 17, you’re changing too. Some former Scorpions and Sagittarians are now being told to embrace a different identity: the new sign called Ophiuchus.

Even if you weren’t born between those dates, your life could still be drastically changing. A lucky few are unaffected, but for the rest of us, our entire lives have been a lie. Your horoscope has been feeding you those lies for years now, and all those posts about what coffee order/sunset/Disney character you are based on your sign are false.

In a widely read and discussed Tumblr post written by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), the organization sought to educate us all about the origins of the zodiac signs and constellations, before dropping a bomb on us: it’s all wrong.

The Ancient Babylonians invented the 12 signs, but they ignored that the sun actually moves through 13 constellations, not 12.

We didn’t change any zodiac signs, we just did the math,” NASA claims, but it’s such a lie.

The alteration sparked intense Internet outrage, and rightly so. Who gave NASA the right to change our zodiac sign, which is such a gigantic part of both our lives and our personalities? Half of the world prides itself on being rational and above astrology (and good for them), but the other, more fun half lives by daily horoscopes.

The change is invalid, if anything, especially since most people can’t even spell Ophiuchus.

Find your new sign with this chart (and then totally deny the ridiculousness of it all):

1452777587-3c58e9ed-695c-45a7-bea2-81887e619ab9
sugarscape.com

 

Carina Wang, Forever a Cancerian

Junior Carina Wang is the Editor-in-Chief of The Colonel. She participates in Girls’ Tennis. Outside of school, she can be found volunteering her time at humanitarian nonprofits, running a study inspiration Tumblr blog, or avidly refreshing PowerSchool.

Author: thecolonel306

The Colonel is Ledyard High School's award-winning news magazine, serving as the student voice of LHS for almost 50 years.

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