Seasonal allergies are an issue that affects more than 3 million people in the U.S. every year, and though it may seem like a minor inconvenience, people with allergies know that it is a very, very serious vexation. This article, readers, is my ode to people with seasonal allergies. Enjoy!

1. “Are you Ok!?”: Okay, no. I am actually dying, and this water pouring out of my eyes, though it isn’t tears, is still symbolic of how I am feeling right now.
2. “Get out of the Shower!”: Listen, I am being attacked every second of my life right now. Please let me scrub away some of my depression and this gosh diddly darn pollen.
3. “What’s that smell?”: I don’t gosh diddly darn know. I’m congested beyond all comprehension.
4. “Stop breathing through your mouth.”: Go shove fifty-seven tons of shiza up your nose and then come talk to me.
5. “You look awful!”: I know, but believe it or not, looking and feeling like a zombie is not a choice.
6. That annoying post-nasal drip: Please go away.
7. Itchy throat: You can’t even scratch at it, and that’s what makes it deadly (or at least terribly obnoxious).
8. Headaches: All headaches are bad, but when an entire season of the year is bad, you know you have it rough.
9. Forgetting Meds: That “getting to school (or work), and just realizing you forgot your savior” feeling is an emotional roller coaster that is all downhill.
10. Itchy ears: It’s like, in the ear, and ya know, like a throat itch, but a bajillion times worse.
11. Nasal spray: Nasal spray is odd because it tastes like chewing on a flower stem, but it really, really does the trick. You always have to have a drink around when you take it though.
12. Not covering your mouth to sneeze: You’re in your room alone, and you feel it building up, you have to sneeze. Unfortunately, this is the quadrillionth sneeze today, so you have a choice. To cover, or not to cover? If I’m alone I don’t bother with the arm raise*.

* Seriously though, if you have to sneeze in public, cover your mouth.  

Tyler Whatton, Staff Writer

Senior Tyler Whatton is a staff writer for the 2016-17 Colonel. He plays baseball and sings in Carolers, Chamber Choir, and Final Cut. He participates in Ledyard Airsoft, is an aspiring model looking for a contract, and can rap the entirety of “Rapper’s Delight” (with background music provided).